Easy party tricks to blow your friends’ minds
It’s Monday morning. You’re sitting at work thinking about literally anything other than your to-do list when, un- expectedly, genius strikes. You should throw a party. This Saturday. You ex- citedly message your group chats and let ‘em know. “Party. Vague theme. Your Place. 7pm.”
Your friends hit you back with “hell ye- ah”s and “let’s rock”s.
A smile settles on your face as you close your phone. You open your lap- top and begin to answer your silly lit- tle emails. Suddenly, Monday doesn’t seem so bad...
Your week flies by. Meetings happen. Emails get sent. Deliverables pushed off. You don’t consider yourself to be a “living for the weekend” kind of per- son and yet you can’t help but feel a little lighter when you wake up Sat- urday morning knowing you’ve got nothing to do all day except your own damn thing.
Problem is, you’ve had a helluva week
and haven’t had any time to prep for the party. Honestly, you probably for- got about it until last night, but figured “I’ve got time tomorrow.” But now to- morrow is today, and you haven’t got- ten any snacks or booze, the house is a wreck, and you told everyone you were having a Christmas in July party knowing full well that you don’t have any decorations!
Natural response would be to spend your day panic cleaning, overpaying on Instacart and throwing together some half-assed decor, abandoning the theme all together with no real heart in the presentation. OR you could follow my simple life hacks to always be party-ready in less than eight hours.
ONE
First things first, clean your shit up. On a regular basis, dingus. I’m not talking a full scrub, but enough to feel comfortable having your friends over without judgment. Make your bed. Sweep your floors. Wipe your counters. Shove everything in your clos- et or under your bed and consider it done. If your home is always some- what presentable, then a little pre-party clean shouldn’t take much time. Give yourself about an hour to tidy up in the morning. My move is to wake up around 10am the day of the party, put on some music (usually an old playlist that I might add to throughout the day, saving for the party later that night) and clean.
Nobody needs to know how you re- ally live, but you should take the time to pretend you live better than you do. Pro tip: burn a couple candles throughout your house a couple hours before people arrive. That way you can blow them out an hour into the party when things start getting rowdy to protect your odor-eaters from get- ting too turnt and burnt.
TWO
Next, make your decorations. Some- where along the way we’ve lost sight of our arts and crafts training from our younger years, and I for one believe we are supremely under-utilizing our skills to take construction paper and glue and make a masterpiece.
I always keep a pack of multicolor paper, a stapler, and tape on hand to create colorful paper chains that I can hang on mantles, doors, and around the ceiling. Yellow and pink for Easter brunch. Blue and yellow for Hanuk- kah. Green and orange for Arbor Day. You can also cut out silly hats and write funny signs to tape all over ex- isting picture frames to spruce up ev- eryday home decor. The decorations
themselves don't need to be spectac- ular but rather show your guests that you tried. And had fun trying!
THREE
Last step, get the goods. You’re no millionaire, tell your friends to B-Their- Own-B. Just grab a rack of High Life and a couple of bottles of soda to go with any hard liquor your friends bring over. Sodas, teas, and spicy waters are great options for sober guests (and for hangovers the day after).
Then, my favorite part of the party planning process, the snacks. This is where you can really let your freak flag fly. You should always provide the staples: something sweet, something savory, and something crunchy. Like fresh fruit, cheese and chips. Peanut M&M's, pizza rolls and, pretzels. No need to be healthy unless that’s your thing. Popcorn is a cheap and easy trick. Pop a few bags, put it in a big bowl and call it a day. If you’re fancy and with-the-times, make sure to have some meats and cheeses stocked for a quick charcute. The trick to a quick and simple party spread is to arrange rather than create from scratch.
Would ya look at that, it’s 6:30pm. Party starts soon. And after tackling the three pillars for simple party prep by cleaning, crafting your decor, and curating your snackage & beverage spread, you’ve made yourself a kick- ass little party.
Enjoy your night and save one for Stogna, you never know when he might show up...